Art Murmur

redneck takes on city

If you ask me, it looks like Parker just farted and we all just got a whiff of it.

Cheers from the Windy City!

posted by Laurel @ 12/29/2005 02:46:00 PM 0 comments

this is what happens when you stop putting tags on your gifts: I have no idea who this is for

posted by Laurel @ 12/23/2005 04:45:00 PM 0 comments

Christmas lights

I was just talking to my sister the other day, and she was telling me about a friend of hers, whose family pays a professional to put up their Christmas lights on their house. This did not seem strange to me at first. Their home is beautiful, and after having driven by it the other night, when she and I had this conversation, I don't doubt that it is worth every penny: Every bulb was perfectly straight and twinkling along each and every roof line, garland and white lights wrapped around the pillars framing a beautiful wreath on their front door, just as I would have expected.

But then I got to thinking about the house I grew up in, which we decorated similarly--taking many strands of white lights to cover and wrap around the entire roofline on the front of the house. But instead of hiring a professional, my parents put me on the roof to tie the lights to each gutter. I even had to climb up to the second story.

One year I remember in particular: Instead of gritting her teeth and telling me to be more careful jumping from rooftop to rooftop, as I climbed up the twenty foot ladder, my mom yelled to me: "Dont' forget to check for loose shingles!"

I'm sure she asked me nicely, though.

posted by Laurel @ 12/22/2005 07:54:00 AM 0 comments

Happy Birthday Jered!

This picture was taken at Governor Dodge State Park this past June. It is crazy to think how much we have changed even since then. I know you hate when I take your picture, Jered. But these photos are the ways I can remember your four eyes. Thanks for putting up with my camera and me.

Love,
Laurel

posted by Laurel @ 12/19/2005 09:28:00 PM 0 comments

change

Happy Graduation to Jered, and my dear friends Sara and Steph. Congrats!

Now is a period of happiness and new beginning, but also a time of sorrow: R.I.P Sam, we'll miss you, little bugger.

posted by Laurel @ 12/18/2005 12:13:00 AM 1 comments

moving woes

Jered has officially signed a lease and will soon be moving “home” from Eau Claire. He will actually be moving to Stoughton—retrieving some non-existent Norwegian heritage, just like he always wanted. I say home, because he will, in fact, be living less than five miles from his parents. And although he will be living in a different town, HE WILL BE FIVE MILES FROM HIS PARENTS.

More importantly, he will be five miles from HIS DAD. His dad, who calls him at 7am on Saturday mornings to discuss the rising milk prices, how he drove 10 miles to Sun Prairie for cheaper gas, or the great $8.99 Fish Fry he had the night prior, and WHAT A STEAL IT WAS.

No doubt, Jered is excited to be closer to home. But does he realize what it’s like to live so close? I think not. He does not understand that once you are five miles from home, you will be expected to stop in to say hello after work, or that you can come home to help rake leaves or blow snow from the driveway BECAUSE YOU LIVE SO CLOSE.

Perhaps more humorous, Jered has found an apartment conveniently inhabited largely by retired persons. And not only that, but his balcony faces a funeral home and a retirement home—inhabited by many spouses to those who live in HIS building.

It gets better.

When Jered and I (and his parents) went to look at this place a couple weeks ago, the first thing we saw when we entered the “lobby” was a motorized wheelchair perched next to the elevators. Most of the apartments, since inhabited by elders, have Welcome mats, holiday decorations around their doors, and leave their tools, gardening supplies and expensive storage systems unlocked in the basement parking area, because WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND STEALS FROM A GERIATRIC PERSON.

Mattie thinks I will be able to score some great Scrabble partners. Meanwhile, Jered will be kissing ass, trying to meet the fat cats in the building, for when they die, perhaps he can squeak into their WILL.

All jokes aside, I am very excited for Jered to be living closer to me.
Jered, you know if we move in together, I will be putting my foot in my mouth. Please forgive me, I really DO love the wheelchair-accessible bathroom sink.

posted by Laurel @ 12/16/2005 08:41:00 PM 0 comments

birthday post

posted by Laurel @ 12/13/2005 08:00:00 AM 1 comments

amaryllis

posted by Laurel @ 12/11/2005 05:22:00 PM 0 comments

see how he is trying to stand in front of me like it's HIS fish?

posted by Laurel @ 12/10/2005 09:57:00 AM 0 comments

no one else seems to think these are funny

But I guess, coming from a girl who wore a long-sleeved turtle neck to her first college party, you can understand why I was rolling...

Here are my favorites:

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. (that one's my favorite).


I just love puns. Here are 9 of the first place winners in the International Pun Contest; I don't know what happened to the tenth:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

posted by Laurel @ 12/09/2005 03:18:00 PM 0 comments

it's the bus talking

So maybe I have a new obsession with mass transportation, seeing as I have numerous posts about The Bus, but if I am even the slightest bit obsessed, then Sara is beyond infatuated about buses, and bus drivers, traveling via bus, and the like:

"Sara, I forgot to tell you! I saw the mean bus driver at Target last night! How weird is that?"

"You mean, the one with the leather vest?"

"I don't know if he wears a leather vest, but yeah, the mean one, you know the one who is like Turkish or something. He's the one who drives by bus stops without stopping just because he feels like it?"

"I don't know, is he the one with the leather vest??! He's mean, and he wears a leather vest. I mean, come on, a leather vest? I think he might be into S & M."

posted by Laurel @ 12/07/2005 07:30:00 PM 0 comments

Happy Birthday Pooter Steph!

So this morning I woke up extra early to find a picture of the two of us so that I could post it for your birthday. To my surprise, I have NO digital pictures of us on my computer (errr, at all.) So sadly, this will be a very lame birthday post.

Anyway, I hope your day goes well at work and that you get a nap in before the big night of celebration. Sorry I won't be there to celebrate! ...I am sure glad we got to hang out last night with your television full of cable.

Thanks for the great laughs over the years. Yes, I did start crying when you hid under your desk and jumped out to scare me. But I love that you still remember when I pulled out that chair from under you. That was payback, my friend.

Now for some lists...

Top 5 reasons Steph is more like a 35-year-old:

1. She's far too health conscious for her age, exclaiming things like "you should really look into the benefits of wheat germ."
2. She can pull a mean cork.
3. She showers more days than not.
4. In the event of an emergency, she's the first to pull out her keychain/check card/bus pass and turn it into some sort of swiss army life saving device.
5. She treats blogging and web surfing like it is her job, thus she is very dedicated to her work.

Top 5 reasons Steph is more like a tech-saavy 13-year-old:

1. She analyzes music videos like it's nobody's business.
2. She would choose blog surfing over eating.
3. She is good at taking techy typing short cuts, ie. "we def. need to go there soon, prob. call you later."
4. Pooter is her favorite word--STILL.
5. She can bend her body in ways which post-pubescent teenagers should not be able, and loves every minute of it.

Steph, my dear, I will love you until you are Six Feet Under. Then, and only then, will I be able to forgive you for all the naughty pre-pubescent tricks you've pulled on me.

posted by Laurel @ 12/02/2005 10:38:00 AM 2 comments